Saturday, January 14, 2012

Icky Stream Of Consciousness.

The day has come like the day will always come.
The moment you know you're going to end up
not living on planet earth anymore. Poof.
Proof. You'll disappear. Tis does suck. No?

Faulkner. I like Faulkner. He doesn't follow the rules.
Aren't rules meant to be broken? I feel icky.
Really icky. I hate knowing that one day
I am going to die. I keep questioning myself.
My talent. My abilities.

I feel like I'm not good enough in this moment.
In this second. I keep comparing myself to others.
Why can't I be more like this? Why can't I be more like that?
Yes. I have some self-esteem issues to overcome and I was
doing so well. Today -- I just don't feel like I'm doing as
well as I was doing. I've been through a lot.

Bullied. And hurt by the people I thought loved me.
The last thing I want to do is bully myself. I went
through a good phase of believing in myself and
I am not sure why -- all of a sudden...I am doubting myself.

Death. Scary stuff.