Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My Story Of Passion.

Throughout my entire life I've been searching for something I was talented at. From the beginning of middle school until the time I was a junior in high school. I tried EVERYTHING from basketball, soccer, volleyball, theatre arts, dance, Academic Decathlon, speech, and so on. I found that throughout this process of finding what I was truly passionate about I discovered that I was an artsy person. I was good at acting, dancing, writing and so on. I knew that I was meant to be in that scene. I was always “good” never “amazing” or “wonderful.” I was ALWAYS just “good enough.”

Throughout middle school I was made fun of severely. Because of my fashion sense and because I was a bigger size than most girls in junior high. I developed incredibly early and had a bigger chest than most girls. I had a crazy fashion sense,was loud, and incredibly bubbly. Everyone always had something to say about me. Whether it was criticizing how nice I am, or criticizing what I was wearing, they were ALWAYS saying something negative about me. I needed instant self-gratification so I began cutting. Long story short, I got out of that phase through counseling and a lot of hard work on my part. I began to develop who I was the difficult way -- getting hurt by the people I loved the most. It was tough, and brutal but I survived. I NEVER changed who I was for anybody. I was always the loud, obnoxious, bubbly girl.

Throughout high school I would constantly get compliments on my makeup and my friends would repeatedly tell me that I should be a makeup artist. Receiving compliments was new to me. I never took it into consideration until about Junior year. I fell in love with a man who made me who I am today. If you read any of my blog posts MOST of them are about him. Anyways, senior year of high school was both AMAZING and HELL. I had constant breakdowns in and out of school. I couldn't step foot on my high school without having to remember this man. Let's just say...if you've read my poetry you understand the impact he had on me. Ever since then my wall has been up. ANYWAYS, let me not bore you with my past love life. Senior year was emotionally draining. I remember stumbling upon makeup tutorials on YouTube and somehow when watching these tutorials they would mend my emotional pain and I'd feel instant gratification through them. My mind would completely delve into what I was watching and everything around me completely disappeared.

My ENTIRE senior year I delved myself in these tutorials. I began attending MAC classes and attended a Glaminar that was taught by Kandee Johnson whom is the main reason I actually became a makeup artist. Her videos along with Makeup Geek (Marlena), Petrilude, Wayne Goss, and a couple other of Youtube Gurus were the main reason I decided to gear my focus towards a career in makeup. I would constantly go into MAC and Sephora -- ask questions and learn from the artists there. I practically lived on YouTube, MAC & Sephora. I attended IMATS and began to slowly create my kit. HONESTLY, my kit began with most of MY makeup. I realized I had a SHIT TON of makeup I wasn't using and decided to sacrifice them in order to begin my starter kit. I sanitized the shit out of EVERYTHING (which wasn’t hard because most of the stuff I didn’t even touch) and began. It first started out as fun and games. My best friend Natalie Coelho & I had a fun photoshoot inspired by Imogen Heap & Lady Gaga and the pictures actually turned out really decent. So...I started a Model Mayhem account with these pictures, made a business card and began responding to casting calls and giving out my card to EVERYONE I met! It started out as fun but then I realized I was happy on set. The happiest I was in the longest time. I felt liberated, alive, and I never saw myself smile as much as I did while I was painting faces. The more I continued getting gigs, the more I began to realize that being a makeup artist was what I wanted to do -- it was my calling.

Anyways, that's the small story of how I got into makeup. The main reason of why I am writing this is because my search if FINALLY over. This maze I've been running around in has finally ended and I have TRULY found something I am incredibly, crazy, head over heels, passionate about. Words are simply not enough to explain how much I love painting faces. I want to delve into this art in so many different ways by taking sculpting classes, drawing classes, painting classes, EVERYTHING possible. I want to get to know my art INSIDE AND OUT. The fact that I have found the love of my life is amazing -- beyond words. It is the ONE THING I KNOW I am good at. THE ONE THING. I swear...I don't have the best self-esteem, I can go on and on about things that are wrong with me but I'd rather not list that out haha. However, I am actually CONFIDENT in my work as an artist. I know I have the potential to exceed and go far and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true.

I have come to comprehend that my career means more to me than I could ever imagine. I never thought it was possible to fall so deeply in love with this art. I am not just painting faces; I am creating art, expressing my emotion, expressing who I am through this form of art. If you have honestly come this far reading my little sappy story I truly THANK YOU. One very important thing I want to tell everyone is to NEVER...I mean NEVER give up on your dreams. Passion truly wins in the end. It really does. After all, all the geniuses are madmen after all aren't they? Let's all love and make art -- make art and love. This is what life is about. Don’t ever stop chasing.