Alter Ego

Sometimes I wish life was just a big drunken party.
Everybody would be falling all over the place, and
falling into each other. Falling in lust, and falling
out of love. At least that is what I'd be doing.
The important part: Falling out of love.


A side of me just wants to have fun.
To stop worrying about stupid shit that in
the end, won't matter. In the end, life is
about the memories and the events, not
the knowledge or the tiny little details.


Shouldn't we being living life to the fullest?
Then why are some of us doing the stuff that
we hate in order to survive? Alcohol becomes an answer
to certain situations...to escape from reality. Sometimes
life needs to be a drunken mess in order to survive.


In this video Britney is portraying two different people.
Herself and her alter ego. This is how I'm analyzing the video.
There is one side of Britney that is an innocent, hard working
mother who almost seems perfect. And then there is another
side. The flaming, rebellious side of Britney who quite
frankly doesn't seem to give a rats ass about others opinion.


Can these two personalties ever mix without
being untrue to yourself or others around you?
Or is it the fact that everybody has two different
personalities? A personality that is embodied through
everyday life and then the personality that comes out
when the sun hits the ground and the alcohol drips inside your mouth.


Sometimes, a girl just wants to have some damn fun.
Is that so wrong? I don't think so.

Why?

Thats the question. Every single
night around this time my heart
begins to swell up and my eyes
begin to burn.

The question is: Why?
Why am I lingering?
Why can't I fall out of love?
Why can't I move on?
Why you? Why YOU?

I swear...I didn't meant to fall in love.
I've noticed almost every single post
is about this man, this man who has
torn me a part from the inside out.
The man who "knows" me from
the inside out...the man who loves
me for who I am but could't stay.

I close my eyes and your face appears.
Theres nothing left of me. Only skins
and bones. There is nothing left
of me. Nothing...in my soul.

Why you?
The universe only knows.

I'll Hold Tight To What I Know

"And though I cannot see you
and I can't explain why 
such a deep, deep reassurance
you've placed in my life"


This line gets to me. Its gets
underneath my skin because this is
exactly how I feel. Words can not express
why there is such a deep connection between
me and you. Something happened in the midst
of our love crazed adventure. 


We took one another into what
we both knew. Does that make sense?
He took a look inside me, to a place
where no one has ever dared to look.


We fell in love with each other.
He was afraid. He ran away. 
Still. Still after the madness
he's still here, and I'm never alone.


After all the tossing and turning,
the ripping and bleeding he's still
a part of me. Whether I see him or not.


I can't explain what he does.
Love is love is love is love.


They say this song is about God.
Music is music, it can be interrupted 
into whatever you want it to be.


This song reminds me of a lover. 
He's always with me. We can't
separate, and even if we do so, 
we both know in our hearts we are
always going to be one. 


"We Can NOT Separate" 


It's just impossible.

When Did Your Heart Go Missing?

Love don't come so easily
This doesn't have to end in tragedy
I have you and you have me
We're one in a million
Why can't you see?

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing, yeah?

I meant every word I said
I never was lying when we talked in bed
I'm retracing every step in my head
What did I miss back then?
I was so, so misled

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?

I don't understand
How could you forget what we had,
It's so wrong

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?

Yeah!

Things were so good
We had a little dream
A little dream together
Buy a house, settle down, do our thing
But you disappeared on me
And your heart, your heart went missin'
I don't know how to find it
I don't know where it is
I don't know where your heart went
It was here just the other day
Now it's gone
I'm gonna call the police
Call the investigator, the heart investigator 

I am The Girl...

I am The Girl...
That I Never Wanted To Be.

Funny right?
I've realized I've turned into
someone I never wanted to be.
I'm "that" girl...the girl who
sells herself short. 

When did I become this way?
When did I start not appreciating myself?
When did I start selling myself short?

I never wanted to be this way.
And now look at me...I'm
a complete mess...such
a fucking mess.

Insanity

Is The New Sanity.
I Think I've Forgotten
What Being "Sane" Truly Feels Like.

Goodnight.

Don't Try Pretending There Is No Feeling.

I swear. I'm not asking for much.
I'm not asking for flowers. I'm not asking for extravagant
gifts, diamonds, rings, or anything along those lines. 

I swear. I'm not asking for much.
I don't want anything from you.
I don't want your money and
I don't want your lies. I don't
want your car, I don't want your eyes.
I don't want your house, I don't want anything from you
except for one simple thing. One simple thing.

I don't want surprises, or expensive dinner dates.
I don't want that. I only want: one simple thing.
I want "you" and only you. I want you as you.
Do you understand? I want you to let yourself
go and to stop pretending that there is no feeling.
I know how you feel about me, I can read you.
Don't forget the hours, minutes, and seconds we
spent together, every single day. Don't forget.

I can read you, and I know you can read me.
Thats all I'm asking, I'm asking for you. I love
you for who you are, and all of your imperfections.
In my eyes, you are beautiful, in me eyes you are perfection.
Thats all I see...is you and me, together & in love.

Retail Therapy

I am A Shopaholic On The Loose.

:)

Say That You Need Me

Broke a promise to myself
And took my heart down off the shelf
Hey, what a very very fine day
What's the point in a kevlar vest
You put a hole into my chest
And oh, I know, two weeks of impossible

Don't say that you want me
Say that you need me
Let yourself go
Don't try pretending
There is no feeling
Left in your bones

Chase a rabbit in the ground
And wait for hours, no sight or sound
And oh, my soul
Lookin' for an inch of hope
Stretch your legs wide
Across the road
From Montreal to Mexico

Oh 

Don't say that you want me
Say that you need me
Let yourself go
Don't try pretending
There is no feeling

We are intersecting lines
We crash in flight
Like a rogue machine

You are ultraviolet light
It burns my eyes
And it's all I see, yeah

Don't say that you want me
Say that you need me
Let yourself go
Don't try pretending
There is no feeling
Let yourself go

Don't say that you want me
Say that you need me
Let yourself go
Don't try pretending
There is no feeling
Left in your bones

Hey
Ah
Let yourself go


I wish you could learn how
to truly "let yourself go." When you
were with me...you let yourself go. You lost
yourself within our words, our breathes, our gazes.
Let. Yourself. Go.

I Didn't Mean To Fall In Love With You...

"When Will You Set Me Free?"


Today I began singing this song
when I opened up my inbox.
I was in my college library and
a burst of emotions rushed into my bloodstream


I held back my tears, like I always do.
I'm strong, thats what I like to say or believe.


I've been asking the same question
for the longest time -- will I ever receive an answer?


I don't know when I'll stop
being haunted with these questions.
Every single day, and every single night.
Some days and nights are better than
others and sometimes... I drown myself
in what I believe can make me forget.


I only tend to wish that it would be able
to help me forget. Never will it be enough though.
Only you...and only you can ever be enough.


"I didn't mean to fall in love with you."

I Constantly Feel...

As if I'm not "good enough."
This feeling never seems to go away.
I'm never skinny enough, tall enough,
pretty enough, smart, witty, clever, funny...
The list goes on and on and on.

It's so sad how someone is able
to point out their flaws SO quickly,
but it takes them so much time to
think of positive aspects of themselves.

At least for me, its horrible to make
a list of my positive and negative aspects.
I just see a monster when I look into
the mirror and I know I need to change that.

Mission Impossible.

Feels Like I'm Falling.

But I Never Want To Touch The Ground. 

Happy Birthday (Feb 4th)

To The Most AMAZING Women
I Know. My Darling Mother. 

Your Excuse.

"I Look Young"
& The Classic Line
"There Is Too Much Of An Age Difference"

No..I Don't Fucking Look Young.
The Youngest Number I Received
Today At The Fashion Show I Was Working At
Was Twenty Fucking One. The Highest
Was Twenty Fucking Three. 

Your Excuses Are
Bull Fucking Shit.

Sad To See...

The You Weren't Courageous 
Enough To Respond To Me.

Douchebag.

One Week, & One Day.

It feels longer.
I swear it does.

"I'll be fine I swear, I'm just gone beyond repair." 


I still can't comprehend why I feel the way I do.

During the dark of the night, my body shivers
just to touch your cold face. 


Random thoughts spill into my brain.
One thought that keeps reoccurring
is why people say nice shit just to be nice.

I mean, can't you just fucking say whats on your
mind? I'm a big girl damn it, I can handle it.
Don't say "keep in touch" and not mean it.
Thats just rude, thats not even nice.

I absolutely hate when people say
"keep in touch" and don't fulfill their
half of the "keep in touch" part, because
its a two sided effort, not a one sided.

OH, whats even MORE irritating is when they
say it OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
"Keep in touch, for sure, please keep
in touch and let me know how things
are going, make sure you keep in touch."

The fact that the person is repeating it, genuinely
makes you believe that they want you to keep
talking to them and keep them updated BUT
when you do try to contact them...nothing...


They never respond.

Please...grow some damn balls.
Dipshit.