Saturday, March 26, 2011

3 am Tears.

I often find myself crying at this hour.
I wish I could cry alone though. 
For some reason at this time of
night, certain thoughts hit me.
And they hit me hard.

I have this paranoia.
Paranoia of life. I constantly 
fear love, failure, people, trust,
school, death and just life in general.
Everything around me terrifies me.

Sometimes I wonder...what was I
put on this planet earth for? And why
in the sane hell can't I follow my dreams?
WHY am I stuck in a place where I
feel useless and completely powerless. 
I try, and try and all I do is fail. Thats 
not supposed to happen. Is it? NO.

I cry. And when I cry its because I'm
hurt, scared, terrified, scarred...and so on.
The list goes on and on. I am afraid
of life and what life has to offer me
or yet...what it "doesn't" have to offer me.

Sometimes, I feel absolutely worthless.
Useless. Stupid. Ugly. 
Not myself, and out of
my own damn skin..

I am scared, nay I am frightened. 

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