Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Don't you hate it when you think you
you see someone but its not the person you expect?
Or there is absolutely no one there...its all in your imagination.
All in your little tiny head that seems to misconcept the obvious. 

Recently I've been hallucinating in several

different ways. Hearing things that are
not there and seeing things that are not there.
Mostly seeing things. 

I've been seeing the people I want to see
through other people. For instance, I was
walking around my college campus today and when
I turned around I thought I saw a very good friend
of mine but then I took a second look and realized
that it wasn't anybody I knew. Other times no one
is actually there...its just me and thin air. 

I've realized these "hallucinations" keep occurring
day after day. Especially when I am stressed.
My question: Why am I hallucinating?
Is it because I actually "miss" these people
I keep thinking I'm seeing? Or is it another reason?

There has been a pattern of seeing certain people who
are not there. I only see people I care about. The 
re-occurring hallucinations is of "him." You'll be hearing
a lot about him while I'm in the healing process; I warn you now. 

Anyways, this re-occurring image of him standing
in front of me, or speaking to me; is that a sign
of healing or is that a sign of something else?
Is it a sign that my heart misses him?
Or misses the people I keep seeing?

The answer won't be clear for quite sometime.
Not until I sit down and analyze my thoughts. 
Sometimes, my heart becomes extremely
happy when I think I see someone, but in reality,
this person that I want to see is not there. 

Are my emotions so extremely strong that
I am beginning to drive myself towards insanity? 
Nay. I refuse to. However, what is it that keeps
these images in my head? Why do these images keep
popping up in my head? And why do I keep seeing
him over and over near me, when in fact, he isn't.

Does he miss me too? Is that what the universe
is trying to tell me? God knows how much I miss
this man and how much I suffer daily. I am afraid this
is a scary sign, a sign telling me that I'm gone beyond repair.
Mayday Parade is amazing. Anyways, what are these
hallucinations -- especially of him, trying to tell me? 

They're haunting me. He's haunting me.
And it's beginning to make me think.
It's beginning to frighten me.

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