Monday, April 25, 2011

A Self-Battle

"I've Been Beaten Down, I've Been Kicked Around"

My heart, body, and mind is currently extremely
fragile. I can not handle anymore disappointments
or heartbreaks currently. I have put my body on pause,
just to let it rest. Then, there comes you, the last person I would
expect to fall for. Your smile, your eyes, your voice...they
are all perfect in my eyes. And sometimes I just want to hold
you because, I know you're in pain, but I 
can't do anything.
Is it selfish of me? Is it selfish that I have 
to distance
myself from you in order for me to heal?

At times, I do want to call or send a text. I do want
to hear your voice and I want to know you are well
but I need to separate myself. I know myself too well.

If I don't do so, I will fall hard and thats the last thing I
need to do. I need to focus on repairing myself right now.
I need to be content with myself in order to even think

of a future with you.

It is not easy for me. I'll tell you that. I love to love.
That is who I am. I've fallen in love with the concept
of love. And I've fallen in love with your personality.
I'm not necessarily stating that I am "in love." It's
way to early to even know that, but I have fallen
in love with your personality. I hope that makes sense.

Sometimes I want to take the pain away. To magically
have it disappear.
Though...I can't. I've separated from you.
Is it selfish not to call you? Is it selfish not to text you when I
know you need someone? I want to, I swear I do. Though...
my hands shake every time I pick up my phone. This feeling
is terrifying and I'm still healing.

"She Is Love...She Is All I Need." 

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