I am in search for the person I once was.
Today I woke up incredibly sick and performed
the same routine I always do. Hit my alarm clock
about 20 times before actually waking up and then
washed my face, brushed my teeth, got dressed,
put on my make-up and blah, blah, blah, blah.
As I was walking out the door I realized that
I am a robot. At least I am living my life as one.
And quite frankly, I am sick of it. I am tired
of walking around all day zombified. I have numbed
myself into only working and occasionally enjoying
myself on the weekends but even THAT has turned
into a routine. Its not spontaneous any longer.
I once was a girl who was full of spunk.
I knew I wasn't the prettiest girl, the smartest
or the skinniest girl in the world but I knew that
my personality always shined through no matter
where I was. I have seemed to have lost that girl
I once was. The optimism, the smile, the energy..
it has all seemed to disappear into a foggy haze.
I no longer know the girl I once was
and I am beginning to miss her. For she,
would never let herself down and she would
push herself constantly no matter what
situation she was in.
I have turned into this robot. This self-machine
that doesn't allow herself to feel, only work.
Currently I am desperately searching for the
spunky, fun-filled, optimistic girl I once was.
Is she forever lost? Is she forever gone?
I certainly hope not.