Friday, January 28, 2011

Bad Body Double Trouble

Is it possible for me to have my "own" bad body double trouble.
Not another person trying to be me, but me trying to
fit into what I want, what I want me to be.

As in, that I am still shaping and molding
myself into who I want to be. Of course, it's
a process and I'm still not there yet but currently,
I am having bad body double trouble.

What exactly do I mean by this? I honestly
don't know. Is it that I have two in me
as one? One side of me and another
side that is being shaped and fixed into
perfection, or imperfection.

Thats another topic. Perfection.
I've realized I'm so caught up with
being perfect while dealing with my
"bad body double." The "new"
and shaped me is supposed to be perfected.

Is there such a thing as perfection though?
No, there isn't and honestly shouldn't
imperfection be considered perfection?
Or at least beautiful?

Half the time I don't know what I'm talking about
and I just like to rant my thoughts honestly.

"I've got bad body double trouble.
She's trouble. She's trouble. She's trouble alright"

Am I the trouble? Am I standing in the
way of breaking down that wall of
reaching who I want to be?

Or is who I want to be, not
really me? Is it something that is far
beyond my reach and I should just stay content
with who I am right now and strive for
better rather than editing, fixing, cutting
and shaping me into something I wish
to be? I don't know the answer.

Its just odd thinking that I'm desperately
wanting to be something else or somebody else.
There are moments I'd like to crawl out of my skin
and step into another person. It's odd.

It's many, many concepts mushed
into one person that is nearly impossible to attain.

Should I just be content with me?
Or should I keep molding and fixing myself?
When will the fixing stop though?
Will it ever?

I dont know. 

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