Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Trouble Sleeping

"Today is the day the worst day of my life."

I felt like that was my theme line of the day, yesterday.
I had one of the worst nights I have ever experienced in
the longest time. I don't think I've ever had this much
trouble sleeping in about two years.

Getting myself out of bed, was a challenge. I feel as if
someone is "very slowly" ripping my heart out. Enough
to cause me the damage, the hurt, and the pain but not
enough to rip it out completely. At one point
my heart is going to be dangling, still not
ripped out, and it won't be able to be ripped
out for another 2 years and 4 months.

Not until I receive a concrete answer.

Now making myself food to eat. I can't
even look at food without feeling the need to
regurgitate. I have absolutely no appetite today.
I honestly just want to curl up in bed, & make conversations
with voices inside my head. At least they stick around.

I haven't done anything all day besides lay in bed,
and deal with nightmares I keep having every 2 seconds.
It's weird to think that I can hardly breathe, and that my body
can feel as weak as it does right now. The last time I remember
feeling this type of pain was June 2009.

Is there ever beauty in the breakdown?
How can hearts breaking, and bodies
aching be considered beautiful?

In the end is there beauty in the breakdown?
It's only beautiful if he comes to my rescue.
Don't fall in love kids, theres no such thing
as "beauty" in the breakdown.

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